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You just need 4 minutes to fall in love

Last Update : August 10, 2016

A couple of decades have passed since Arthur Aron, psychology professor at the University of New York, developed his experiment to boost the spark of love in about only 4 minutes.

The experiment consisted in 36 questions that two people would have to ask and answer to each other. This first phase of the experiment that takes around 45 minutes is preceded by the key experiment : staring at each other for 3 to 4 minutes would ignite the spark of love….

Targeted questions to strengthen bonds and intimacy

This 36 questions that you can find below, were created with the specific purpose of strengthening bonds between two people. Apparently, according to Arthur Aron, these question boost the chemical connection and created a feeling of intimacy, safety and well being that increase the willingness to see the other persona gain.

Creating intimacy is the base of love, an intimacy that is strongly related to honesty which can be guided by getting to know the other person in a relaxed environment with an open minded frame of mind.

This experiment aimed at measuring how the hormonal levels are impacted by intimacy and the feeling of closeness to another person.

Staring at each : the key to fall in love

This study, in later versions added an extra experiment in order to stimulate the spark of love : 4 minutes of deep stare.

Apparently this study showed the main mechanism to fall in love… creating intimacy, well being, confidence and closeness would together with intense and intimate staring be enough to set in motion the engine of love.

After all, love is a question of creating the right environment but most importantly love is at the end a conscious decision on both ends…

¿Do you dare asking these 36 questions ?

Phase I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell you partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?


Phase II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?


14. Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?


Phase III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “we are both in this room feeling…”

26. Complete this sentence “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them: be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.